Swami Bill's Page

What I See For September, 2000:

	FOCUS ON LONG TERM GOALS, FINANCIAL PLANNING AND ALASKAN CRAB FISHERMEN NAMED MORT. THE 13TH BRINGS ABOUT BIG CHANGES AROUND THE HOUSE WHEN A RAMPANT CIRCUS ELEPHANT OVERDOSES ON VIAGRA AND MAKES A PASS AT YOUR HOSE REEL.
	WITH THE RETURN OF FALL AND SCHOOL FOR CHILDREN AND COLLEGE BOUND ALIKE, YOU FEEL REJUVENATED. SO MUCH SO THAT YOU HARKEN BACK TO YOUR OLD COLLEGE DAYS AND CONDUCT A BIZARRE HAZING RUTUAL IN YOUR LIVING ROOM WITH ONLY YOU AND YOUR DOG IN ATTENDANCE. IT IS A POINT WHERE YOU REALIZE TALENTS THAT YOU NEVER KNEW YOU HAD - SUCH AS THE ABILITY TO DROP A BING CHERRY INTO A MARTINI GLASS USING ONLY YOUR BUTT CHEEKS.
	DOMESTIC ISSUES AND CHANGES SURROUND YOUR LIFE THIS MONTH. STAPLE YOUR FURNITURE TO THE CEILING IN THE LIVING ROOM…THAT WAY, IF GRAVITY REVERSES ITSELF, THEN HEY!…AT LEAST YOU'RE COVERED! THIS WILL CAUSE FRICTION IN THE HOUSEHOLD..EVEN QUARRELLING. IF THINGS BREAKDOWN BETWEEN YOU AND A ROOMMATE…TAKE THE HIGH ROAD AND DON'T HAGGLE OVER JOINT POSSESSIONS….YES, EVEN THE PURPLE LEOTARDS…..
	YOUR MONTH IS PRETTY MUCH BORING AND DULL….SORRY TO SAY…HEY, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES HERE!
	THE MONTH STARTS OFF PRETTY DULL FOR YOU BUT BY THE THIRD WEEK…ZOWWEEE!!!! EVERYONE WILL WANT A PIECE OF YOU; PROCESS SERVERS,BALLIFFS,COLLECTORS, JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES….TRY AND TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF TIME FOR YOURSELF EVERYDAY, AND TRY NOT TO PINCH ANY FRENCH CANADIAN WRESTLERS NAMED IRA.
	FOCUS ON MONEY MATTERS AND HOME IMPROVEMENT THIS MONTH. A RENEGADE BAND OP POLISH RODEO CLOWNS FIGURE PROMINENTLY MID-MONTH. LOVED ONES WILL TEST YOUR TEMPERMENT ALL MONTH LONG AS WELL AS TEST THE BOUNDARIES OF YOUR TERRITORY. LET THINGS GO AND SMILE - EVEN AS THEY DISTURB YOUR PRECIOUS BERT CONVY COMEMORATIVE COASTERS.
	YOU ARE COMING OFF A SELFISH PHASE RIGHT NOW, LEO. THIS IS THE TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO PAY THE PIPER - PAYING IN SMALL CHANGE IS FROWNED UPON. MID MONTH YOU SHOULD RECEIVE NEWS THAT YOUR ALL MALE PRODUCTION OF 'LITTLE WOMEN' HAS BEEN PICKED UP BY THE FIRE ISLAND COMMUNITY PLAYHOUSE.
	CHANGES ABOUND FOR YOU THIS MONTH VIRGO. CHANGES IN YOUR DOMESTIC AND LOVE STATUS FIGURE PROMINENTLY. YOU WILL FIND THAT YOUR LOVED ONE HAS RUN OFF WITH MITCH THE MONKEY BOY FROM THE HONG KONG CIRCUS. DON'T FRET YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN….EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.
	YOUR RUNNING AROUND AND SCHEMING HAS FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH YOU. PARTICULARLY IF YOU'VE RUN OFF ON YOUR VIRGO MATE WITH MITCH THE MONKEY BOY FROM THE HONG KONG CIRCUS. BE CAREFUL, YOUR EASY-GOING ATTITUDE WILL GET THE BEST OF YOU SINCE VIRGOS COMMONLY HAVE VERY GOOD LAWYERS.
	FINANCIAL MATTERS, DOMESTIC MATTERS AND EATING CHEESE PLAY A LARGE ROLE IN YOUR LIFE THIS MONTH. YOU WILL RECEIVE NEWS THAT YOUR STUDENT LOAN TO 'NERVOUS ERNIE'S WELDING ACADEMY' HAS GONE THROUGH. REACH FOR THE STARS THIS MONTH, UNLESS OF COURSE YOU''RE STANDING ON A BALCONY AT THE TIME…THEN THAT WOULDN'T BE GOOD.
	CONTEMPLATE JOHN TESH. THAT'S ALL…JUST DO IT, AND GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU HAVE AN ANSWER.
	YOU'VE SPENT MOST OF THE SUMMER DEDICATING YOURSELF TO OTHERS..OKAY WELL, YOU'VE BEEN BUSY BOSSING OTHER PEOPLE AROUND ALL SUMMER LONG, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. DO SO BY ISOLATING YOURSELF AND GIVE THE REST OF US A BREAK, AND OH YES, YOU WILL WIN THE LOTTERY…I DON'T WHEN OR WHAT NUMBERS…WHAT DID YOU THINK I AM?!?!?!?! I'M A SWAMI NOT A GENIE!