Two Dog Stories-Read 'Em With Your Dog
Okay, these aren't entirely dog stories. The first one is, but the second is only sort of dog-related. These came from two of my pals at the Old Farts Club.

A small boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding his little toy fire engine down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful golden retriever. However, the rope was tied around the dog's privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.

A man walking down the street noticed how the boy was being pulled, leaned down, and gently said, "You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog's neck."

The boy nodded in solemn agreement and replied, "Yes sir, but then there wouldn't be a siren!"
-Courtesy Lan Roberts
Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a nice day to be moving"

New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly"
Neighbor 1: "So what is it you do for a living?"

New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning"
Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"

New Neighbor: "Let me give you and example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."
Neighbor 1: "That is right"

New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family.
Neighbor 1: "Right again"

New Neighbor: "Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife"
Neighbor 1: "Correct"

New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual"
Neighbor 1: "Yup"

New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning"
Neighbor 1: "Cool"

Later that same day -

Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door"
Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"

Neighbor 1: "Yes, and he has an interesting job"
Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah what does he do?"

Neighbor 1: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University"
Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that"

Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"
Neighbor 2: "No"

Neighbor 1: "Fag."
-Acquired from Bill Taylor